the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize