put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
