Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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