i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think a kid would responsible me up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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