tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
