At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm getting married
To pizza
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
