How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
