Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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