I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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