I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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