I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he puts the penis in happiness.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize