I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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