I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize