i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
