Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
tell me about the fingering
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