What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
