I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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