Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
