It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize