Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
