my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
