Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
