it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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