I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
