get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
