This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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