Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
