She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
