Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
