I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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