I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just invented taco cereal.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
