my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
