You made me cry and you don't even care
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
