I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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