Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
