had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
