At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
