he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
