I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
