Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize