Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
