I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This gyro tastes like lonliness
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
