if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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