nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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