i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
