I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
