mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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