he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
