but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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