Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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