You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
