I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
