And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
