cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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