Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
