I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize