So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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