it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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