I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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