just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
