DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
