She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
