Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
