I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize