They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
