when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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