she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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