Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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