I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
