i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
