i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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